Losing Ourselves Along the Way

November 2025

So many of us move through adulthood carrying more than we ever expected: endless responsibilities, work pressures, family caregiving roles, and the long list of things we do with others in mind. It can be easy to lose parts of who we are along the way. Not intentionally. And not overnight. But slowly, subtly, and without us even noticing.

This is one of the common patterns I see in coaching – especially among family caregivers and mid-career professionals – and it’s something I’ve lived through myself.

The challenge is recognizing when it’s happening, believing that we have a choice in the matter, and giving ourselves permission to explore what reclaiming those lost parts could look like.

How We Lose Ourselves Without Realizing it

Losing pieces of ourselves doesn’t happen in one moment. It happens through countless smaller ones:

• Putting others’ needs ahead of our own

• Shouldering responsibilities we didn’t choose

• Stepping into roles we feel obligated to fill

• Constantly trying to meet expectations (real or imagined)

• Adapting ourselves to fit environments that don’t fit us

We don’t wake up and say, “Today I’ll set aside who I am.” But over time, we compromise, adjust, quiet our needs, delay our dreams, and shape ourselves around what the world seems to demand.

At some point we might start to notice:

• “I don’t feel like myself anymore.”

• “I’m always frustrated and exhausted.”

• “I feel like I’m surviving, not thriving.”

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone.

A Part of My Own Story

In my early 30s, I stepped into caregiving for my dad after losing my mom to cancer. At the same time, I was pouring myself into my job, working long hours and under lots of pressure. I didn’t recognize it then, but pieces of me were slipping away: my priorities, my joy, and my sense of self.

To feel more like me again, I first had to acknowledge what was happening. Working with a coach gave me what I wasn’t giving to myself – the space to breathe, permission to feel, structure to explore, accountability of my actions, and courage to make different choices.

I had to face the version of myself shaped by stress, obligation, and survival mode, and then slowly release that to rebuild a life that felt more aligned and authentic. I didn’t reinvent myself. I reclaimed myself.

And that’s possible for anyone.

Reclaiming Ourselves Starts with Intention

Creating space for ourselves to discover or rediscover ourselves is one of the greatest gifts. Finding our way back doesn’t always require dramatic changes. It begins with small but intentional choices that place you at the center.

Here’s what that might look like:

• Setting a boundary you’ve ignored

• Prioritizing rest without guilt

• Letting go of a role you’ve outgrown

• Making a decision because it’s right for you – not because it’s expected

• Ending patterns of self-sacrifice that feel familiar but come at a cost

• Allowing yourself space to rediscover what brings you joy, meaning, or ease

When we make choices from alignment – not obligation – things begin to shift.

Suggested Reflections

If you’re noticing that pieces of yourself feel lost, here are a few questions to explore:

1. Where in your life are you operating mostly out of obligation?

2. What parts of yourself feel muted, compromised, or forgotten?

3. What would it look like to choose something simply because it’s what you need (not someone else)?

4. Where might a bolder choice create more space for joy or alignment?

Losing parts of ourselves is a human response to a very full life. And finding our way back takes courage. It doesn’t need to be rushed. And you don’t have to do it alone.

Supporting people through this kind of rediscovery is central to my coaching work. If you’re ready to feel more like you again, I’d be honored to walk alongside you.