Common Communication Pitfalls

August 2025

One of the most frequent topics that comes up in coaching? Communication. Whether you’re giving feedback to a team member, raising a concern with your boss, or setting a boundary in a relationship, high-stakes conversations can stir up anxiety, hesitation, and second-guessing.

Below are a few patterns that I find consistently get in the way of conversations being effective.

1. The Message Gets Lost

When we have something important to say, it’s natural to want to explain it fully. We want the other person to understand all the context, our thought process, and maybe even our emotions about the situation. But in an effort to be thorough, we often end up being unclear. The message gets buried under too many words or ideas.

In coaching sessions, I often roleplay these conversations with clients. What they think they’re saying isn’t always what I hear as a listener. Their core message is often lost in extra details. When I reflect back what came across to me, they start to see the disconnect themselves — and the clarity that follows is powerful.

Instead of sharing unnecessary details:

• Get very clear on the single most important point you need the other person to hear.

• Then stick to that, even if you feel repetitive. In emotionally charged conversations, repetition can reinforce clarity.

2. The Message is Sugar-Coated

Sometimes people soften their message so much that the true concern never actually comes through. They want to be kind, avoid hurting feelings, or sidestep potential conflict. Or they fear themselves getting too emotional in stating things as they see it. So, instead, they use vague or indirect language, hoping the underlying message will come through.

In these situations, similar to above, the other person leaves the conversation without fully understanding what’s actually important. Which tends to stir up even more emotion.

Directness matters in these situations. It removes the ambiguity where misunderstandings and assumptions can thrive. If the other person can’t clearly identify the real issue or the change you’re hoping for, nothing will shift.

For example, imagine you’ve noticed one of your team members has been late with their reports three times this month. You don’t want to come across as nitpicking, so you soften the message to “I know things have been busy, but if you can try to get the reports in earlier, that would be great.” The problem is, the person walks away thinking it’s not a big deal — when in reality, it’s starting to impact the whole team’s workflow.

Instead of burying your real message:

Be honest and straightforward. You can still be tactful and communicate a difficult truth with empathy while ensuring your message is unmistakable. And you can engage in inquiry to help figure out how best to move forward together.

Using the same example as above, that might sound like, “I’ve noticed the last three reports have come in after the deadline, which created a delay for the rest of the team and forced me to reshuffle everyone’s priorities. What’s been getting in the way, and how can we address it so deadlines are met going forward?”

3. The Message is Focused in the Wrong Place

Another common challenge in conversations is focusing too much on the other person or the situation, which are things you can’t control. When you frame your message around what someone else needs to change, it often triggers defensiveness and debate, which rarely leads to the outcome you want.

Instead of focusing on the other person:

Reframe your focus to your own experience and how the situation is impacting you. Share what’s most important to you and what you need moving forward. When you communicate from your reality, your message becomes clear and less debatable.

For example, compare these two approaches:

• “You need to stop interrupting others in meetings.” Vs.

• “In the last meeting, there were a few times when I wasn’t able to complete my thought before you interjected. When that happens, I get disoriented and lose my train of thought altogether. I know you’re passionate about these topics too, so how can we ensure we both have the space to speak?”

The second approach centers on your experience rather than accusing, acknowledges the other person’s positive intent, and invites collaboration.

Now, keep in mind that effective communication isn’t a magic wand to make someone listen or care, however. If they disregard you despite your clear and open efforts, that’s information about them — their priorities, respect level, or unwillingness to collaborate. This can signal where to focus your energy next, whether that means setting boundaries, limiting interactions, or reevaluating the relationship altogether.

The Bottom Line

Difficult conversations aren’t meant to be easy, but simplifying your message, being direct, and centering on your own experience can significantly increase your impact. With clarity and ownership, they become more effective and far more empowering.